When You Lose Something You Can't Replace
by SpookyClaire
Summary: "Should something happen to me while Blaine is still a minor I grant custody of my brother to Burt Hummel and Carole Hummel-Hudson. Please take care of him." Warning: Character death. Blangst.
1. Chapter 1

**When You Lose Something You Can't Replace**

"_Should something happen to me while Blaine is still a minor I grant custody of my brother to Burt Hummel and Carole Hummel-Hudson. Please take care of him."_

Warnings: Character death.

Enjoy!

00

Kurt had tensed up when he saw Ms. Pillsbury walk into the choir room with _that_ look on her face. No one else seemed to even notice her, or if they did they didn't think twice about it. Everyone was too busy goofing around practicing their current dance moves while Mr. Shue went to talk to her.

Blaine, who'd been twirling around Kurt for the past few moments stopped when he noticed the look on his boyfriend's face. "What's up?" He asked, following Kurt's line of sight to the somber looking teachers talking in the doorway.

Kurt said nothing for a moment, just thought back to when he was called out of class by Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury, both of them holding the same looks they had now. Kurt thought about his dad, about his heart. Panic began to take a hold of him. "Last time I saw her looking like that she was telling me my dad was dying." He whispered.

Blaine's eyes widened, his demeanor suddenly mirroring Kurt's. Taking the teen's hand in his, they watched the two teachers talk with bated breath. Both actually flinched as their choir director turned and looked right at them.

"Blaine, could you come here?"

Blaine let out a sigh of relief, a big smile forming on his face as he turned to look at Kurt. "It's not your dad!" He whispered excitedly, kissing Kurt on the cheek. Kurt let out a slightly manic single laugh, because _yes_ he was beyond relieved they weren't here to tell him his father had another heart attack but a new panic was taking hold of him. Why did they want to talk to Blaine with _that_ look on their faces? What had happened?

Kurt watched, eyes locked dead on his boyfriend as the three went out into the hall, right in front of the door but out of earshot. The rest of the club seemed to slowly take notice that something was happening as Blaine walked out of the room and Kurt watched him go.

Kurt watched in horror as Emma told Blaine something, his face going white as a sheet. He watched as Blaine's knees buckled and Mr. Shue had to catch him before he went crashing to the floor.

If any of his friends hadn't noticed yet they noticed now as Kurt bolted from his spot, running and falling besides Blaine as Mr. Shue slowly lowered him to his knees. "What is it?" Kurt asked frantically, scooping a suddenly shaking Blaine up in his arms. "What's wrong?" Blaine let out a loud, harsh, painful sounding sob that echoed down the hall, through the now silent choir room.

"It's his brother," Emma said quietly, tear-filled eyes locked on Blaine.

"Cooper?" Kurt asked, heart dropping and eyes widening. "What – what happened? I mean – he – he's ok, right?"

Mr. Shue crouched down, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "There was an accident, Kurt. He…he didn't make it."

Another heartbreaking sob echoed down the hall.

00

The wake consisted of mostly Blaine's friends and Cooper's friends and coworkers. A few old friends of their parents who were out of the loop enough not to know Cooper and Blaine weren't in their parents' lives anymore showed up, though made a quick exit when they realized the situation.

No one from their family showed up.

"I can't believe them." Kurt hissed, looking about the room. "Their son. Their own _son_ – and then _Blaine_ –"

"Kurt, take a breath." Quinn whispered, suddenly at his side and pinching his elbow, "This isn't going to help Blaine." Kurt glanced over to his boyfriend, who was sitting with Carole on the love seat, her arm around him as tears streamed freely down his face. He held a blank expression, yet his eyes gave away the broken boy in the tuxedo clad shell. Carole held him close, stroking her hand up and down his arm, whispering softly to him as his head lay against her shoulder.

"You're right." Kurt whispered, sighing deeply. "Just…_not one_ family member-"

"Kurt."

"Right. Sorry."

Quinn gave him a sympathetic smile, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "You can rage about it later when Blaine's asleep or something." Kurt laughed softly, his smile not meeting his eyes, before he nodded and went to his boyfriend.

Sitting on the armrest Kurt gave Carole a soft smile as she looked up at him, but Kurt's eyes were quickly locked on Blaine. He looked terrible. He had bags under his bloodshot eyes. His hair was crazy and un-gelled. And Kurt knew Blaine's suit would be wrinkled had he not pressed it for him.

Blaine was just…lost.

"Hey, baby." Kurt whispered, leaning against the top of the couch and playing with Blaine's curls. "You want to go take a walk for a minute?" Blaine had been sitting in that spot since he arrived three hours ago, eyes locked on the casket. "Blaine." Kurt whispered, begging.

For the first time since they arrived, Blaine took his eyes from the casket, looking up at Kurt with empty eyes. "What?" He whispered, voice rough from lack of use and the harsh sobbing that took place every night. He blinked heavily, as if he'd forgotten how.

"Why don't we take a walk, sweetie?" Kurt said softly, "I bet your butt is pretty numb."

The joke fell flat as Blaine just blinked at him before glancing around the room, almost as if he was wondering where all these people had come from. "A walk." He croaked. "Yeah."

Kurt smiled sadly, swallowing the lump in his throat. Carole placed one last soft kiss in Blaine's curls before freeing him. He turned to her, staring at her for a long moment, before nodding and standing. Kurt looped his arm around Blaine's waist and began to lead him out of the room, nodding in acknowledgment to his dad and his friends as to where he was going.

Once out the room the two made a beeline for the front door. They stood outside for a moment. Blaine took a deep breath of fresh air as if he hadn't taken a breath in years. As if the air inside was just too stifling…for him it probably was.

"Let's walk." Kurt said softly, leading Blaine down the block towards the park he knew was just around the corner. They didn't say anything for a long time. Blaine just allowed himself to be lead down the road, mindlessly watching the sidewalk as they went until they finally made it to the park and sat on a bench off to the side.

"It's supposed to rain tomorrow." Blaine finally said softly after they'd been sitting for a moment.

"What?" Kurt asked, surprised Blaine spoke of his own accord.

"It's supposed to rain tomorrow." Blaine said again, voice still painfully soft and weak. "Seems fitting."

"Oh, Blaine." Kurt whispered, placing a soft kiss in Blaine's curls.

He had no words. He couldn't tell Blaine it would be ok, because it wouldn't. Not yet anyway. Last year Kurt thought he was going to lose his father, that he'd be alone. It was the worst feeling in the world. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have actually lost him. For Blaine to lose Cooper.

Blaine's brother, his only true family, was gone.

What could Kurt possibly say to make that ok?

"You know last night," Blaine stared, swallowing hard and licking his chapped lips. "Last night I prayed…I prayed that it was actually my dad instead." Kurt paused, eyes widening in surprise. "I—I prayed for my dad to be dead, Kurt. Who…who _does_ that?" Blaine looked to Kurt, eyes bright red and overflowing with tears again. "I'm a _horribleperson_ – I'm – I'm going to hell, and he's probably so _disappointed_ – Cooper's probably –" Blaine doubled over as he spoke his brother's name, bending forward and pressing his chest to his knees. Painful, yet silent, sobs wracked his body once again. "_Cooper_."

Kurt's heart cracked in half at the sight. His boyfriend was suffering so painfully, so deeply, and he couldn't do a God damn thing about it. Without a thought he wrapped himself around Blaine, bending so his lips were by Blaine's ear, his arm around his shoulder, his free hand rubbing Blaine's shin – just trying somehow to give him comfort.

"You're not a horrible person." Kurt whispered lovingly, his cheek resting against Blaine's shoulder. "You're not. You're amazing, and caring, and kind, and the greatest person I have ever met…you're just like your brother." Blaine merely let out a choking sound in response, "And I know for a fact your brother could never be disappointed in you. He loved you. He will always love you. I doesn't matter what you pray for." Kurt leaned and placed a soft kiss against Blaine's temple.

"But…but I…" Blaine choked, trying to get his words out without sobbing.

"Just miss your big brother." Kurt whispered, swallowing hard and wiping away his own tears. Blaine's body was tense, stiff. He was trying to keep himself together, stop himself from completely falling apart, and it broke Kurt's heart to see it. "Just let it out, baby. It's ok to let it out."

As if Kurt's words gave him permission to completely breakdown, Blaine wailed loudly, startling some birds in the tree overhead. Mid-scream he sealed his lips tight, jaw set, mouth pressed hard into his knees. With his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth closed tight Blaine screamed, screeched, like someone screaming into their pillow. Like someone who's heart was being ripped in half.

Kurt almost choked at the sight, suddenly unable to breathe. He said nothing, just sat and watched his boyfriend fall apart, unable to do anything about it.

00

After a long time the two had returned to the wake, Blaine exhausted and hurt in every sense of the term. He didn't speak a word for the rest of the day, just sat back on the couch and half lay against Kurt. Neither boy moved for the rest of the evening.

The funeral the next day was hard. Blaine had to stop half way through his eulogy because he couldn't even breathe he was crying so hard. Burt ended up reading it for him, which for Kurt was somehow worse. Watching his father break down a little as he spoke Blaine's written thoughts and feelings…it was hard. His father was his rock, his strength. If he broke down how could Kurt be strong?

And Kurt _needed_ to be strong. For Blaine.

With shuddering breaths and shaking hands Blaine, Kurt, Burt, and Cooper's friends Mark, Alex, and Jacob all carried the casket out into the hearse.

Blaine had been right about the rain.

The grass had been muddy and slippery. Kurt's shoes were ruined, but he didn't even notice until a few days later. All his focus was on Blaine. He watched him, held him, the whole time. As the lowered the casket into the ground. As they dropped dirt into the grave. As everyone filed away, but Blaine stayed behind. He took a step away from Kurt, going forward, standing over the grave. He stood there for a long moment, clutching his umbrella for dear life, tears streaming down his face once again, lip quivering.

Blaine bowed his head and whispered, "Goodbye Coo."

00

_This is my last will and testament._

_I name my lawyer and friend Melissa Masters the executor of this will. I trust her to take care of everything. _

_My name is Cooper Alexander Anderson. After receiving custody of my little brother I felt this would be what I should do. I know these are normally more formal, more intricate, but I don't need this to be hard._

_Everything goes to Blaine. Every last thing I own. My estate, my property, my money, all of it, is now in Blaine Matthew Anderson's. (That better go towards your college fund, Blaine.)_

_Should something happen to me while Blaine is still a minor I grant custody of my brother to Burt Hummel and Carole Hummel-Hudson. Please take care of him._

00

Three weeks after the funeral and things weren't any easier.

Blaine had been struggling. It was understandable. He hadn't just lost his big brother. He lost the only member of his family he really had left._ He lost his family._

Blaine had been doing a lot of crying.

Late at night when he thought no one could hear him. In the middle of the day in a crowded room. During dinner. While in the shower. He cried. Everywhere. It only took one hint, one thought, and he spiraled into a fit of tears.

And he hadn't said a word the whole time. He just let himself get led around. Did whatever he was told. He didn't fight anyone on anything. He had no personality at all. It was as if Blaine had shut off, a robot had taken his place, only to let Blaine take control to cry.

By the third week after the funeral he was doing a little better. He hadn't cried in a few days, he was a little perkier, a little less like a robot and a little more like himself. That was also the week that all the paper work and files and whatever legal crap they had to do was over with and finished. It was the week they'd completely moved Blaine out of his home, got everything boxed up and moved. Blaine could and was officially moving in with the Hummel-Hudson family.

And they had been _more_ than willing to take him in. He had been a little resistant at first, thinking Cooper's idea was far too imposing, but apparently Cooper, Burt, and Carole had all discussed this over the summer.

"He told us he didn't have anyone listed to take custody of you." Carole had said, "He said he'd been waiting for us to come around."

_That sounds like something Cooper would say_, Blaine thought with a shake of his head.

Most of the furniture and belongings from the apartment Blaine had lived in with his brother had gone into storage. All his own personal items were now piled up in boxes in the Hummel-Hudson guest room. Amongst the boxes was also the Hummel-Hudson's themselves.

Carole was at Blaine's dresser, carefully and neatly taking his clothes from the suitcases and boxes and placing them in the drawers, in the closet. Against the back wall Burt was struggling to reassemble Blaine's bed, Finn attempting to help. Kurt was carefully putting Blaine's books, CDs, and DVDs on the shelves of his bookshelf.

Blaine himself set on the floor in front of an open box.

His box of photographs.

It wasn't until Kurt turned around from his task that he noticed Blaine sitting there clutching a photo of Cooper in his hands, tears in his eyes but not quite fallings.

"Blaine…" Kurt said quietly, crawling over to his boyfriend.

"I miss him." Those were the first of many words he'd speak since the day of the funeral.

Kurt tilted his head, resting his cheek against Blaine's curls as he looked down at the photo. "I know you do."

"Is it ever going to stop hurting?"

"No." Blaine and Kurt both looked up to see Burt had stopped fighting the bed and was looking at them. "It never stops hurting. But it _does_ get easier." Blaine looked down at the photo and then back up at Burt as the father made his way to Kurt and Blaine and slowly lowered himself to the floor. "When I lost Kurt's mom I thought it was the end of the world. I…I was falling apart. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think. All I could think about was the fact my wife was gone and my son lost his mother." Blaine looked to Kurt, who had tears of his own in his eyes. "And it was hard. Really hard. Time felt like it was dragging by, I wasn't sure I was going to make it through." Blaine looked down at the photograph, hands shaking. "But you know what?" Blaine looked back up, "I did." Burt turned to Carole and Finn, smiling at them. The two smiled back, making their way closer. "I made it through, I found Carole. Life got so much better."

Blaine swallowed a sob, letting his head drop. "I don't know if I can do it…I'm not as strong as you."

"Neither was I." Carole said, causing Blaine to look back up. "I almost lost it. I fell apart. But I…I made it through. And so will you, sweetie."

Blaine sniffled, running his fist under his nose. "What makes you so sure?"

"Because I'm not going to let you fall, Blaine." It was Kurt who spoke, taking his boyfriend's hands in his. "I won't let you slip away. None of us will." Blaine looked down at their entwined hands, then back up around at the others in the room.

"You're part of the family now. Even if we're not as good looking as Cooper." Burt joked.

"Speak for yourself." Kurt said, feigning haughtiness.

Blaine smirked at that, laughing a little. He looked back down at the picture in his hands, then back up at the four people sitting around him. He thought of Cooper, he thought of his brother filing for custody of Blaine the second he turned 18. He thought about Cooper teaching him to walk, talk. He thought of Cooper getting him through Sadie Hawkins, through the abandonment of their parents. Cooper got him through everything, just not now. The one time Blaine needed him most. But somehow…somehow being here now with Kurt and his family, knowing this was Cooper's doing, knowing Cooper had sought Carole and Burt out and talked to them about being a family, it made it a little easier.

"Thank you."

Whether he was talking to Cooper or the Hummel-Hudson's, he wasn't sure. But it didn't even matter at this point.

"Just…thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

Once Blaine started talking again things got better.

…or at least, that was the illusion.

Kurt could see it. They all could. Blaine got a job at the shop with Burt, wanting to "earn his keep." That didn't seem like a big deal, not at first. But suddenly Blaine was never home. He was either over-working himself at school, taking on all the work he missed at once, or he was working himself to the bone at the shop.

He took on crazy hours, working more than anyone else. Kurt and Burt tried to convince him to cool it a bit, but he shook them off. Blaine had even taken to not clocking in so Burt wouldn't even know he was there - but when Burt began kicking him out as soon as he saw him there at any time other than his scheduled hours Blaine took on _another_ job. He got a job as a host at Breadstix. He didn't even tell anyone because he knew they'd all beg him to quit, he was hardly home as it was. As soon as they found out about the second job Burt went to the restaurant himself and put in Blaine's two-week notice.

It had been bad. Blaine was literally working himself to the point where his health was suffering. He'd come home every day, from whatever job or tutoring session he'd been at, and he'd promptly pass out. He missed family dinners most nights because he was just too exhausted to get up. He was losing weight, he was always tired, always shaking, and he wouldn't listen to a word anyone said to him about slowing down. If anything is just made him take on more.

Nothing Kurt, Burt, his friends, _anyone_ - nothing anyone said would get him to slow down. The only person who could was dead. So instead he just kept taking on more jobs, more school work, and when he did happen to be home he did anything he could to help out: made dinner, cleaned, organized the attic.

It was time for an intervention.

They'd been planning it for days, wanting to figure out the best way to say what needed to be said. They were putting a lot of thought into it. But then one morning Kurt woke up and Blaine had a 102 fever, he'd actually worked his body to the point of rebellion.

They forgot their plans and tended to Blaine.

It took about a week, but they managed to nurse him back to normal – and actual normal, not the frail boy that'd been walking around lately.

Unfortunately the week that went by made them lose their momentum on the intervention. They wanted to do it at the right time, say the right things, but Blaine was pretty frail right now, in every sense of the word. They needed to do it delicately, precisely.

Finn ended up beating his parents and brother to the punch.

It had been late at night, around 3 AM. Finn had wandered downstairs to get a midnight snack and had jumped when he found Blaine in the kitchen.

"Woah, dude, you scared me." He laughed.

"Sorry." Blaine said, voice soft, smile not meeting his eyes.

"What are you doing up?" Finn asked, walking in and propping himself against the counter, watching Blaine as he stood at the kitchen sink. The shorter teen just shrugged. "Aren't you tired?"

"Aren't you?"

Finn smirked, "Hey, dude, I'm always tired…I just mean, you've been really sick lately. Kurt said your body needed to re-cooperate or whatever."

"I'm fine." Blaine swiftly turned back to the sink and Finn realized he was actually_doing the dishes_. "Kurt's doesn't know what he's talking about." Finn bit his lip, glancing back toward the dark hallway, hoping for Kurt or Burt or his mom to walk in and take over. He was never good with serious stuff.

But no one came. _Suck it up, Finn._

"Is that why you're washing the dishes at 3 AM?"

Blaine paused in his movements, not turning around. "Well they were here and I wasn't doing anything else."

"Really? Because if I recall correctly you have a little too much to do." Finn mentally congratulated himself on how good that sounded.

"I'm fine, Finn." Blaine growled. Growled! The smiley, dance-y hobbit boy who was always far too eager to put a smile on everyone's face just _growled_ at him!

"I disagree."

"Well that's too bad, then!" Blaine screamed, spinning around. The second he yelled though his eyes widened, hand clapping over his mouth, shocked by his own outburst.

Finn pushed off the counter, walking to Blaine. Without a word he turned off the faucet and led Blaine to a chair at the table. "I think we should sit down for a bit." Blaine said nothing in response.

The two sat in silence for a while, Blaine just taking deep breaths and staring at his hands, Finn just watching Blaine.

Finally, Blaine spoke. "It's just been really hard." It was quiet, barely a whisper, but Finn heard it.

"I know."

Blaine glanced up to Finn, swallowing convulsively. "I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought maybe if I just kept moving I wouldn't have to think about it. I could just keep going and never think. If I was always out working I could pretend I would be going back to the apartment, that Cooper was just working late or…or something…" Blaine sniffled but didn't cry. "It didn't work. And now everyone's mad at me."

Finn's brow furrowed in confusion. "No one's mad at you, dude."

"Yes they are…I…I got sick because I was working too much. Burt had to take off from work and he – I couldn't work at the shop. I messed up his whole schedule. And Kurt…he's probably so mad at me. I haven't really talked to him in weeks. He probably hates me. He probably wants to break up-"

"Dude, dude, slow down." Finn said, reaching across the table and clapping his hand over Blaine's now clenched fists. "Take a breath." Surprisingly enough, Blaine actually listened. "I'm being completely serious right now with you man, so you better listen. I mean it when I say _no one is mad at you_. Worried about you, yeah, but not mad."

Blaine sniffled, "But, Kurt-"

"Blaine, Kurt understands this is hard for you. Man he knows better than anyone. He lost his mom and almost lost his dad. He knows it's hard." Blaine looked away, "But he's really worried about you. Like you said, you took on too much. Made yourself sick. He has the right to be worried."

"To be mad." Blaine whispered.

"_Worried_." Finn stressed, squeezing Blaine's hands for emphasis. The grieving teen smiled slightly, not meeting Finn's eye. "And hey man, I understand. It fucking sucks." Blaine snorted, "I know you don't want to think about it. But this isn't the way to do it."

Blaine nodded, whispering, "I know."

"Then you'll cool it down?"

Blaine nodded again, "Yeah…I will. I-I'll quit Breadstix too."

"Actually," Finn chuckled, "Burt already told them you quit when you got sick last weekend." Blaine laughed at that. Finn grinned, but soon sobered up, squeezing Blaine's hand one more time before releasing it. "Talk to Kurt too, ok? He'll be happy to know you're slowing down. And…and if you need to talk you _know_ he's there. That_I'm_ there too." Blaine smiled softly, rubbing away a tear as it escaped.

"Yeah," he whispered. "I know."

"Good." Finn stood, midnight snack forgotten, and started back for the door to the stairs.

"Hey Finn?"

"Yeah?" he asked, turning back around.

"Thanks."

Finn smiled, brows knitting together."For what?" Blaine said nothing, but his grateful smile spoke volumes. Finn shrugged, "C'mon dude, let's get back to bed before Burt wakes up and grounds us."


End file.
